I appreciated this essay a lot -- "addiction" is an overly simplistic and incredibly fraught word. Aerobic exercise does increase dopamine levels, so on a biochemical level, yes, you FEEL good. I think it also physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual benefits. There is the structure of training, the rewards, the community. I experienced loss of this post marathon and was a bit unmoored, just from 16 weeks of all of those benefits.
Peter: Hard but a very meaningful and very articulate post. Well done. For me... having multiple serious running injuries over the years, some that have stopped me running cold for 6 or 9 months or even more... diving into cross-training: biking (road and mountain and peloton), swimming, rowing, weights, and lots of PT seems to be a good substitute. Of course I am thrilled when I can get back "home" to running.... With best wishes for a full recovery. cheers, Dennis
Man I know what you're going through and thank you for writing that. Running caused me to crack a piece of my femur too - doc asked if I had fallen down stairs or got hit by a car. (I think he was joking about the car.) Anyway, I'm sure we can each back from it. Lots of strength training, biking, elliptical, and even swimming if you can stomach it. Walking and hiking when it's time, it will feel better than any of those other things. Looking forward to reading about the recovery. Good luck.
This stabs at my heart in all the right places. My injury ended up being the end - severe arthritis (thanks, genes) and me being too young to plausibly do anything about it. I’d only had running for seven years, during which time I met my husband, ran a marathon, fell in love with ultras, scrambled through multiday hikes, started race directing - and then, suddenly, the part that held it all together was gone.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, this hollowness that nothing else will ever quite fill, and even other runners don’t seem to understand. Not while they still have it. But someday, maybe, they will. And my heart will break for them.
I relate to so much of this, including the anger for what I did to myself. I masked pain with two cortisone shots and then ran until I partially tore the IT band attachment off the head of the tibia, which takes at least three months to heal.
As someone that sat in the vinyl chairs way too much searching for a zebra diagnosis… The bit about running vs swimming and cycling resonated… I just got my first bike fitting and they asked how i began cycling. I cried both sad and happy tears… I still run, but greatly reduced. Once i started calling myself a cyclist, the riding got a lot more fun. It gave me back a piece of myself, for sure. The gear and having the right set up so your mind can let go is pretty key. 3 hours goes by quick! (Swimming can suck it. 🤣)
It's interesting to read this on the same day I listened to the Rich Roll podcast with Steve Magness. They discussed how positive changes in life often come from experiencing some kind of failure or misfortune. I'm hoping this is one of those positive inflection points for you.
Thank you! I'll go check out that episode. I realize that these things have been discussed in some forums for a while now, but it's honestly annoying to think about if it's not you. Right? I'm finding that injury time can feel like a circle, which is frustrating to go through or to hear about if you're supporting someone. But we try our hardest.
Really lovely essay, Peter. And you nailed...I really believe that in the end...whether that is the end of each day or even the end of our lives...all we are assuredly left with in are two things...Love and stories. So when your story is so often filled with running, and the LOVE of running, it's nearly impossible to replace.
I can completely relate to this feeling. Last injury I had (I'm still technically not completely recovered from) I remember trying to defy the universe/God saying "I'm still going to run" until it became clear I couldn't. I hope you heal quickly and/or find another activity you get something immensely important from. (I do yoga more often when I'm injured and I don't love it like running but I have done enough of it now to really see the benefits I get from it to see how clearly I also need it). Much love.
Yes! Thank you. It's been a refreshing course of biking, walking, swimming. All things that I'd gotten away from. So, we use these periods to learn and grow. Please take care and give your body time to heal.
This is 100% me - I feel every single bit of this and I’m so lost , seems too silly that not running upsets every single aspect of my life but it does, I’m not me without it- it’s my superpower . Thank you for voicing this for me- wishing you a speedy return ❤️
As a mountain biker currently in the process of recovering from a major shoulder surgery, this resonated with me so much. Thanks for putting words to the feeling of being trapped by injury.
I truly appreciate this as I’ve been on crutches for 9 months with Jones fracture issues. Hung up the crutches yesterday but no running for another 3?6?ever? months. Today I’m going to try swimming
Just talk to Tommy Rivs. This is his nightmare on steroids. He is happiest when he dreams he can run again. If you can, do his 6 recovery series. He shares so much about his person journey and how he finds the strength to keep pushing. I know you are friends so perhaps this is not helpful. Hang in there!
Sometimes people tell me about an injury they had. In passing, I've heard things like, "I was off my feet for six months." Like that entire experience has just vanished now that it can be summed up in a sentence. But I feel that every time I hear it. I can't help but unpack it and feel that down time.
My longest time out was ten weeks and it was hell. That lost, helpless, aimless feeling when so much of what makes up your life is unavailable. I get it. And that was nothing compared to these bigger skeletal injuries.
I don't much about the implications of your inuury, except that it takes some pretty major trauma to damage a femur. But something all these injury stories have in common is that they are in the past. Some day, you'll be able sum up the entire experience in half a sentence. And with some luck, you'll be one of those enviable people who doesn't relive it whenever it comes up.
For now, though, your story is heard and everything you're feeling here is valid. It's not even about identity, really. Losing such a key element of your life is truly worth mourning, even if it's temporary.
I appreciated this essay a lot -- "addiction" is an overly simplistic and incredibly fraught word. Aerobic exercise does increase dopamine levels, so on a biochemical level, yes, you FEEL good. I think it also physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual benefits. There is the structure of training, the rewards, the community. I experienced loss of this post marathon and was a bit unmoored, just from 16 weeks of all of those benefits.
Peter: Hard but a very meaningful and very articulate post. Well done. For me... having multiple serious running injuries over the years, some that have stopped me running cold for 6 or 9 months or even more... diving into cross-training: biking (road and mountain and peloton), swimming, rowing, weights, and lots of PT seems to be a good substitute. Of course I am thrilled when I can get back "home" to running.... With best wishes for a full recovery. cheers, Dennis
Bless you for putting these words out.
Man I know what you're going through and thank you for writing that. Running caused me to crack a piece of my femur too - doc asked if I had fallen down stairs or got hit by a car. (I think he was joking about the car.) Anyway, I'm sure we can each back from it. Lots of strength training, biking, elliptical, and even swimming if you can stomach it. Walking and hiking when it's time, it will feel better than any of those other things. Looking forward to reading about the recovery. Good luck.
This stabs at my heart in all the right places. My injury ended up being the end - severe arthritis (thanks, genes) and me being too young to plausibly do anything about it. I’d only had running for seven years, during which time I met my husband, ran a marathon, fell in love with ultras, scrambled through multiday hikes, started race directing - and then, suddenly, the part that held it all together was gone.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, this hollowness that nothing else will ever quite fill, and even other runners don’t seem to understand. Not while they still have it. But someday, maybe, they will. And my heart will break for them.
I relate to so much of this, including the anger for what I did to myself. I masked pain with two cortisone shots and then ran until I partially tore the IT band attachment off the head of the tibia, which takes at least three months to heal.
It's super tough to work through. I met with a sports psych Emily Saul on zoom last week for a session, which helped.
Please give yourself grace, and then eat, rehab, and rebuild.
As someone that sat in the vinyl chairs way too much searching for a zebra diagnosis… The bit about running vs swimming and cycling resonated… I just got my first bike fitting and they asked how i began cycling. I cried both sad and happy tears… I still run, but greatly reduced. Once i started calling myself a cyclist, the riding got a lot more fun. It gave me back a piece of myself, for sure. The gear and having the right set up so your mind can let go is pretty key. 3 hours goes by quick! (Swimming can suck it. 🤣)
It's interesting to read this on the same day I listened to the Rich Roll podcast with Steve Magness. They discussed how positive changes in life often come from experiencing some kind of failure or misfortune. I'm hoping this is one of those positive inflection points for you.
Thank you! I'll go check out that episode. I realize that these things have been discussed in some forums for a while now, but it's honestly annoying to think about if it's not you. Right? I'm finding that injury time can feel like a circle, which is frustrating to go through or to hear about if you're supporting someone. But we try our hardest.
Really lovely essay, Peter. And you nailed...I really believe that in the end...whether that is the end of each day or even the end of our lives...all we are assuredly left with in are two things...Love and stories. So when your story is so often filled with running, and the LOVE of running, it's nearly impossible to replace.
This is such a beautiful way to put it. Thank you.
We so, so love this thing. Need to cherish it, and also hang onto the stories that we've earned. Which is why I write them down. Thank you.
I can completely relate to this feeling. Last injury I had (I'm still technically not completely recovered from) I remember trying to defy the universe/God saying "I'm still going to run" until it became clear I couldn't. I hope you heal quickly and/or find another activity you get something immensely important from. (I do yoga more often when I'm injured and I don't love it like running but I have done enough of it now to really see the benefits I get from it to see how clearly I also need it). Much love.
Yes! Thank you. It's been a refreshing course of biking, walking, swimming. All things that I'd gotten away from. So, we use these periods to learn and grow. Please take care and give your body time to heal.
This is 100% me - I feel every single bit of this and I’m so lost , seems too silly that not running upsets every single aspect of my life but it does, I’m not me without it- it’s my superpower . Thank you for voicing this for me- wishing you a speedy return ❤️
As a mountain biker currently in the process of recovering from a major shoulder surgery, this resonated with me so much. Thanks for putting words to the feeling of being trapped by injury.
I truly appreciate this as I’ve been on crutches for 9 months with Jones fracture issues. Hung up the crutches yesterday but no running for another 3?6?ever? months. Today I’m going to try swimming
Just talk to Tommy Rivs. This is his nightmare on steroids. He is happiest when he dreams he can run again. If you can, do his 6 recovery series. He shares so much about his person journey and how he finds the strength to keep pushing. I know you are friends so perhaps this is not helpful. Hang in there!
Going through something similar at the moment, really appreciate this post!
Sometimes people tell me about an injury they had. In passing, I've heard things like, "I was off my feet for six months." Like that entire experience has just vanished now that it can be summed up in a sentence. But I feel that every time I hear it. I can't help but unpack it and feel that down time.
My longest time out was ten weeks and it was hell. That lost, helpless, aimless feeling when so much of what makes up your life is unavailable. I get it. And that was nothing compared to these bigger skeletal injuries.
I don't much about the implications of your inuury, except that it takes some pretty major trauma to damage a femur. But something all these injury stories have in common is that they are in the past. Some day, you'll be able sum up the entire experience in half a sentence. And with some luck, you'll be one of those enviable people who doesn't relive it whenever it comes up.
For now, though, your story is heard and everything you're feeling here is valid. It's not even about identity, really. Losing such a key element of your life is truly worth mourning, even if it's temporary.
Good luck and recover well!